Back on the wagon but don't forget the brakes

It's been so long since I've written my blog that I may actually have forgotten what to do. But I have so many words, thoughts and energy pumping round my body just now I feel the need to get back on the blogging horse. Maybe it will give people something more positive to read among the fear, panic and anger. Maybe it will ground me. Maybe it will make me take the space to reflect on everything - not just what's going on in the world, but what's going on inside me.

I have been blown away by people's creativity and care in these unprecedented times. I'm aiming to be like these swans taking it all in my stride, but I'm not quite sure I'm pulling it off. There are moments of peace and gratitude, but also moments of lots of other feelings too.

The appeal of slowing down, not driving anywhere, not squeezing in just one more thing, another bit of work, another meeting - well, it's vast. But I've realised over the past few days, bear with me, I'm clearly slow on the uptake, it's me, it's all me. No one else made my life this way - only me.

The clue is in my pinging inbox. Oh let's sign up for this that and the next thing. Here's another free course. Here's another online group. Here's another craft thing you can do. Here's another instrument you can learn. Here's another room you can paint. Here's another drawer or shelf you can sort out. Here's another vegetable you can plant. Here's another list of a million ways to slow down. I know, I'll write a blog post...

“Strange, what being forced to slow down could do to a person.”

― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

And... breathe. Yes. Just breathe in. And breathe out. I'm noticing as it reaches the end of a frantic week that my body is tense and I need to fill my lungs with air. Yes, I can cope. Yes, I can rally round. Yes, I can adapt in a crisis. That's all fab. But I can also use work and busyness as a way to cope with uncertainty. Yes, just do stuff. And then do some more stuff.

So I'm giving myself a gentle talking to. Not a great big telling off. But a gentle reminder that this is an opportunity to develop some better habits, some different ways of being.

Signing off. Dr M