So why did I stop twittering? Well to be honest I wasn't really twittering, or tweeting, or hash tagging. I was hovering around the fringes of that vast internet creature. I found it unwieldy, too fast and to be honest, pretty mean. I wouldn't call myself a conspiracy theorist (I'm supposed to be a sensible science-based psychologist for goodness sake) but there was an episode of Black Mirror that finally sparked my rapid departure from the Tweeting machine.
But it wasn't just an irrational fear of being attacked by a drone bee that impacted my decision. It just didn't do anything for me. I watched a webinar recently - welcome to the new normal - which was talking about psychological research into use of social media. There's a lot of negative press around how we are all looking at it too much and it's not psychologically healthy, how it makes us all feel not good enough because people only present the best version of themselves.
“A life had been ruined. What was it for: just some social media drama? I think our natural disposition as humans is to plod along until we get old and stop. But with social media, we’ve created a stage for constant artificial high drama. Every day a new person emerges as a magnificent hero or a sickening villain. It’s all very sweeping, and not the way we actually are as people.”
So You've Been Publicly Shamed
Then there's the internet trolls and Twitter does seem like a breeding ground for this type of behaviour. If you have never read Jon Ronson's "You've been publicly shamed", it is definitely worth a look. The book follows the journey of several people, public figures and ordinary people and how their lives were destroyed in the modern day equivalent of a village square public flogging and shaming - except on a stage of billions. It all makes me feel a bit sick.
However, social media can benefit us, in really specific ways. When we are scrolling through mindlessly to these snapshots of the lives of others, it is very easy for our social brains to slide into comparison mode. This is so unhelpful because being alive is not a competition, you can only ever be you with your own truths, trying to be someone else is always setting you up to fail. However, our brains do something different if we actually hover on the content we like in a mindful way, if we appreciate and encourage each other.
"Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver."
Barbara de Angelis
I'm not talking about banal cheerleading here, yeah go you, everything you do is incredibly fabulous... yuk! But thoughtful and accurate comments of genuine appreciation for other people, their achievements, how they have gifted you with a moment of laughter in a rubbish day, how you feel proud of them or admire them because they have overcome something difficult. Instead of triggering the fear system in our brain, they trigger the reward system. Because our brains are designed to make us feel good when we connect with others and are designed to make us feel fear, anxiety and stress when we are in competition with others. Mirror neurons are a real incredible part of our brains. We give out compassion and kindness, then we feel connected. We give out criticism, hate and fear, then we feel disconnected.
I think this is beautiful and I've been trying to change my own behaviour and make thoughtful and meaningful comments, to have fun and to feel more connected. It's working, but I'm still not going back to twittering, because frankly, I'd rather be in the garden, not smelling the flowers, because I actually have no sense of smell. But putting my hands in the dirt, because that's who I am. Someone who likes to get her hands dirty.
May you be safe. May you be well. Dr M signing off
